Am I Being Unreasonable Wanting My 33 Year Old Boyfriend To Quit Smoking Pot? Or Is It Not A Big Deal?
I have been with my boyfriend for 10 years. He has always smoked pot and I used to but quit when finding out I was pregnant with my son 3 years ago.
It used to not bother me so much but now that we’re older I was hoping to grow up and be good examples for our son. He does hold down a job and everything, so he is pretty responsible… but I’m annoyed being with someone who says that my asking him to stop smoking pot is asking him to change his “lifestyle” and it makes him very angry. He says I’m trying to change HIM.
Do you think it’s a big deal if someone continues to smoke pot despite the fact that their spouse has a problem with it? He’s also said that he’s considered breaking up with me because I don’t accept him for “him”. I don’t think asking him to quit smoking pot should be this big of a deal.
Tags: Being, Boyfriend, Deal, Quit, Smoking, Unreasonable, Wanting, Year
November 5th, 2009 at 9:23 pm
You changed, he didn’t. Now you’re asking him to change because you did. That is not fair to him. The man he is now is the same man you started dating 10 years ago. If he started smoking pot after you got together you would be perfectly justified in asking him to stop. But you did the same thing that you now look down on him for, and that thing may have been one of the reasons you got together in the first place. I will never condone drug use, but you got what you wanted.
November 5th, 2009 at 9:58 pm
It’s unfortunately not your decision. He will not quit unless he wants to do it. It’s not a matter of what the right thing to do is, it’s what he’s willing to do.
November 6th, 2009 at 3:43 am
What about when he gets caught, and if your with him, you might also get arrested, and the child is taken off to social services…. to much to ask….?????
Sounds like he’s more concerned about his dope, than his family.
November 6th, 2009 at 6:56 am
he needs to stop and consider the impact on your lives if he would get caught and not to say how much more income you would have
November 6th, 2009 at 11:20 am
No big deal if it dont enterfear with life,money,time,events.
November 6th, 2009 at 3:07 pm
I don’t think it’s the anything to do with the pot, just the fact you’re asking him to change for what might seem to him to be “just for the hell of it”. How is it affecting your lives? Have you told him? Can’t you come to any compromise, like making sure he doesn’t smoke when he’s around his son or going to be before the effects wear off, and making sure there’s no way his son would find out or learn that it’s okay to do?
If it’s his health you’re worried about, let him know, but don’t try to force him. That is essentially his decision.
November 6th, 2009 at 6:15 pm
He was smoking when you meet. It’s been over 10 years, he is not going to change until he wants to change. For you to even bring it up makes him feel threatened and confused. He probably will leave you if you keep up the pressure.
November 6th, 2009 at 8:12 pm
Did he let the baby go hungry cuz he was busy getting high? Did he leave the baby with a wet diaper cuz he was busy getting high? Does he blow off work cuz getting high is more important than paying the bills? If not, leave him be.
November 7th, 2009 at 1:10 am
he’s obviously addicted to the pot and i don’t think it’s just to stop smoking. He’s whole life is formed around hi’s smoking and that would be very hard for him to just stop. And you can not make anyone else stop he is going to have to want it himself.
November 7th, 2009 at 5:28 am
I believe that if he likes to do it he should “ocassionally” not all the time and make sure his son doesen’t know, because as we all know it is against the law
November 7th, 2009 at 6:13 am
well its not addicting or anything…but my dad smoked pot all his life…hes like 47 or something now and still does…always supported the family…and he hid it well from us (the kids) for like 16 years…he only smoked in his bedroom so no i dont think its a big deal…its just a way for him to relax…does he smoke cigarettes? it would be like asking him to quit smoking…he would be very angry and irratable…so id say just let him have his weed…it mellows him out after a hard days work…and he still supports u and the family i guess…so whats the problem?
November 7th, 2009 at 1:09 pm
he should stop
children learn by example even when they are that young
November 7th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
No it’s not unreasonable. You want what’s best for him and if he doesn’t see that that he’s not right for you. Also threatoning to break up with you was even worse. So what if your trying to change his lifestyle? What if his lifestyle is bad? Which it is. A lifestyle is different than the person, so you’re not trying to change him at all.I think that if you love yourself and your son enough then you will either get him to stop, or break up with him.
November 7th, 2009 at 10:05 pm
i think you’re being a good mother and wife. don’t let him smoke pot. it will be very bad for your whole family in the long run. TRUST ME. good luck. (:
November 8th, 2009 at 4:24 am
Honestly Gretchen, this habit of his is a real addiction which can be very tough to quit. You are right; of course ,that smoking anything including pot is bad to do. You can be very thankful that somehow you managed to quit, improved your health and added years (literally) to your lifespan.
Just one question, you say boyfriend in the beginning of your question then later refer to yourself as his spouse.
Which is it? You better make sure you are married to him. That’s a little more important here than pot smoking, don’t you agree? In either case, there’s nothing you can do to force someone to quit smoking. That’s what makes it such a terrible habit.
November 8th, 2009 at 5:49 am
i stopped mine.. what happens when you have kids with this man.. your goin to let him smoke around your baby.. they need to stop that crap.
November 8th, 2009 at 8:08 am
i would say if he still goes to work everyday and pays all his bills on time then its not really THAT big a deal….
but i also see how you just want him to stop in general, cuz it is illegal and you do have a child now.
so i think you have a right to want him to stop. keep at it girl!
November 8th, 2009 at 12:53 pm
you knew this when you met so whats the deal now let him be who he is and enjoy what he enjoys if its about your child then just ask him not to do it around the kid so he doesn’t know how would that be setting a bad example when he wouldn’t even have an idea
you use to so don’t be such a hypocrite OK
November 8th, 2009 at 4:31 pm
It shouldn’t be a big deal. Nobody gets addicted to Marijuana. I’m sure he holds a job and everything, but the question is how much better would things be if he was clear headed. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against smoking, but if he’s chosing pot over YOU, what does that say???
November 8th, 2009 at 8:54 pm
no its not a big deal. he should quit now that he is a father. I always thought it was pathetic when adults smoke pot.
November 9th, 2009 at 12:02 am
Well, it’s also illegal. I realize it’s totally natural because the only thing altered to the plant is drying it, but if he’s caught with marijuana on his persons he will be arrested. What happens if he pisses off someone and they call the cops or child welfare services to say he’s in possession of pot and that he smokes it around your child? They’ll remove your son and both you and your spouse will face child endangerment charges as well as a narcotics charge. Also, what if he goes out to the store with your son in the backseat and gets pulled over for a routine traffic stop? The cop realizes he’s been smoking marijuana while having it on his persons, it’s driving under the influence and child endangerment because your son was in the car with him.
Tell him about the legalities and that you’re not comfortable with the idea of losing your son because of his stupidity. Don’t expect him to quit cold turkey, he’s been smoking so long and while people say marijuana is not addictive (it is) it’s going to be a long, hard journey while he tries to stop smoking.
You need to talk with him and if he is NOT open to the idea of quitting than leave the home with your son for a few days. Once he sees your gone he’ll realize your seriousness and will consider quitting for you and for his kid. If he threatens to break up with YOU because you aren’t “cool with it” than you need to remove yourself from the relationship. If you’re putting your son in harm’s way with a drug addict (that’s what the courts will call him) than you need to reevaluate your parenting skills. If you want to set a good example start by being a strong mom that realizes her child is better off with no father than a father that constantly uses an illegal substance to make himself feel better or a father that threatens his mother because she doesn’t approve of his destructive behavior.
November 9th, 2009 at 6:36 am
as an ex pot addict, i can tell u you cant *make* him quit, if u have kids though u need to get as tough as possible before he hands down a money wasting habit.
November 22nd, 2009 at 3:48 am
all you idiots saying he’ll get caught ad yo may too your being ridiculous, its no crime to live with a smoker and a slap on the wrist for getting caught smoking it.